i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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