my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
