I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You made out with two different species that night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
