Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
