So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
