Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
