Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
