I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
