Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were trust falling into bushes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize