I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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