I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
