i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
