If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize