This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
