The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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