you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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