Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you didnt know i had herpes?
birth control should be required to get into college
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
