If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
