Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize