Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
