Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
