from now on my penis is your penis
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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