Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
