no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
