Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She bit a glass in half.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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