3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
