What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
