did you get engaged???
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
