Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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