THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
