ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
