he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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