He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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