angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
