i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
