was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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