there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
