some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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