I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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