the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she peed on how many people?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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