On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
