who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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