dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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