So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
