well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm passing your future prison.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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