Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
