I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
