she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
