There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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