i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
