i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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