He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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