I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
