can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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