it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize