those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
