My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
