bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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