Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
