Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
