Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
