I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
