I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
