Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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