you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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