yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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