sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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