i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
