The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize