I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
